in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
