omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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