"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
