Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
