you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
