so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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