Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
