Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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