He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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