I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
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In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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