the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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