Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
