your thong is hanging out like whoa
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
