He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
