he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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