All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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