I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
