If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
