so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
