I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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