he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
