another moral hangover. fuck.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
