everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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