i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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