I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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