At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
