His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
