i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
