I cannot find my penis.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
