Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
