I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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