he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
