White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
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I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
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When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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