Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
