FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
