at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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