my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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