ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
