You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
