Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
