I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
