Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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