His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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