$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
