brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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