EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
