tell your sister to shave her snatch
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
