i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
