It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
