The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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