bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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