I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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