he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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