last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My vagina just clenched in fear
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
