I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
