Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
