There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
