Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
