we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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