It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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