we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
