i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
