we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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