it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
